Hello Again,
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I have so much to tell you, and I’m not quite sure where to begin.
A lot has changed… and so have I.
I guess I’ll start with the fact that I stepped away from real estate back in September. I really enjoyed it…until I just didn’t. I had some successes, lots of failures, met some great people.. and some not so great people…and learned so much… but I never really felt like I belonged in that world. I tried to, but it never felt right. Looking back, I think God was gently nudging me in a different direction, even when I did want to listen.
Walking away helped me focus on what really matters, my relationship with God, my marriage, my family, and my health. Things I didn’t always protect or appreciate the way I should have. God has been teaching me in this quiet season that less is more. He is also teaching me how to love more like Him and how to trust Him in all things…although I still struggle, I can see a change in myself, even from a year ago, in how I respond to disappointments and frustrations.
I don’t unravel as easily. I mean, I still feel all the emotions…grief, worry, anxiety, anger…but I don’t stay there long. I try to keep my eyes on Him, asking for His help rather than looking for excuses or ways to comfort myself in unhealthy ways. I’m learning that drawing near to Him changes everything. It doesn’t just change how I handle things, it also impacts the people around me. Even when I react emotionally at first, I go to Him and tell Him how I feel…and He gently reminds me who I am. I am His and that means everything.
One of my biggest struggles has been entrusting my husband to God. He has struggled with alcohol for a long time, and even though I see the Lord working in him, I still carry anxiety…not knowing if today will be the day he comes home drinking. I’m not telling you this to throw him under the bus or to bring shame to him. He has His own walk with God. I just want to share my journey, my walk with the Lord, and how He is transforming me. You see, this isn’t my first rodeo with a husband who has struggled with alcohol. I didn’t have much faith back then and very little understanding of God. I didn’t read His word, so I did not have the tools to handle that well at all. I was reactive and unknowingly self destructive. I didn’t know how to show grace, forgiveness, compassion, or love. So in my marriage now, I am learning how to be the wife God created me to be, even though it has taken a long time to get here. But I do believe Gods timing is perfect.
I also want to share my own personal struggles with my health, the loss of my mom, post-menopause challenges… as well as the joy, peace, and gratitude I’ve been experiencing and learning to embrace in the midst of it all. Maybe it will help you in your own journey, maybe not, but I feel the need to share it anyway. My day-to-day life, recipes I’ve discovered, little moments with my dog, the small changes I make around the house that drive my husband nuts… all of it, the good and the messy.
I’m not perfect, and I still overthink, worry too much, and occasionally binge-watch TV instead of being productive. I used to love wine… and vodka, whan I was happy, when I was angry, when I was sad, when I was anxious… but it no longer serves me, in fact it has been a very destructive force in my life. But that’s a story for another time.
I love coffee, decorating, reading my Bible, writing, creating… all the little things that bring life to my days. I love my kids more than words can say, my husband with a new, Christ-centered love, and my little dog who never fails to make me smile.
I want to share these everyday moments and reflections in the coming weeks…my journey…For now, I’ll leave it here.
Thank you dear friend, for sitting with me for a few minutes…until next time.
Love,
Cas ❤️
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